For the past couple of months in numerous posts I have compared the appearance of Chris Christie - the porcine Republican candidate for Governor of New Jersey - with the notorious but fictional Cosa Nostra hit man Luca Brasi (portrayed in The Godfather by actor Lenny Montana).

Recently it was brought to my attention there are notable differences between the two men that, when taken in aggregate, tend to vitiate any meaningful physical similarity.

Luca Brasi is an older man, with grey hair and a muscular build.  Chris Christie is a younger man with darker hair and a body that…well…let’s just say the temple of Christie’s soul wasn’t exactly built on a foundation of salads and tofu.

Moreover, Luca Brasi is a member of an organization that conspires to screw people of all social and economic strata for the purpose of accumulating wealth and power, while Chrisie is a member of the New Jersey establishment GOP. Hmmmm. On second thought, strike that…I was supposed to be discussing the differences between these two men.

Having said that, I would like to extend my deepest apologies to Mr. Brasi for the invidious comparison. In no way, shape, matter or form can the Republican candidate for governor be mistaken for Luca Brasi.

He can, however, be easily mistaken for Jeff Garlin, the rotund actor/comedian who portrays Larry David’s manager, Jeff Greene, on the critically acclaimed HBO series Curb Your Enthusiasm. In fact, it is my considered opinion that Jeff Garlin and Chris Christie are actually fraternal twin brothers who were separated at birth.

Sounds crazy? Consider the facts, my friends - and facts, as John Adams loved to point out, are stubborn things:

• Both are the same age, separated by mere months. Garlin was supposedly born in Chicago, IL on June 5, 1962 and Christie’s biography claims he was born in Newark, NJ on September 6 of that same year. Any clever county clerk could be bribed into creating false birth certificates - just ask the folks in Honolulu.
• Garlin was raised in South Florida and Christie in New Jersey. Everyone knows most of the so-called “snowbirds” who populate South Florida are from New Jersey.
• Garlin quit college to become a comedian. Christie decided to forgo a career as the funniest mathematical and scientific dolt in American history to attend college to become a lawyer.
• Garlin has toured the country as a stand-up comedian while Christie has toured New Jersey as a dangerously overweight attorney barely able to stand-up.
• Garlin starred in a critically-acclaimed solo show titled  I Want Someone to Eat Cheese With; Christie is rumored to have eaten ALL of the cheese.

And on it goes, my friends. But don’t take my word for it. Who do you believe more - me, or your own eyes?

Manly’s Exhibit A:

Manly’s Exhibit B:

Manly’s Exhibit C:

Ladies and gentlemen of Manly’s Republic: Res ipsa loquitur.

I rest my case and extend my deepest sympathies to Mr. Garlin. As everyone knows, you can choose your friends but you cannot choose your family.