I know that many of you have been chomping at the bit all day long to hear what Col. Rash has to say about the latest idiotic prattling of the Man-Child who, I’m sad and embarrassed to say, is the President of the United States. In this case, the Doofus-in-Chief rendered the requisite dhimmitude to the Mohammedan world in the speech he gave today in Cairo.

And yes…I said Mohammedan…for no reason other than it pisses them off when I say it.

The relationship between Islam and the West includes centuries of co-existence and cooperation, but also conflict and religious wars. More recently, tension has been fed by colonialism that denied rights and opportunities to many Muslims, and a Cold War in which Muslim-majority countries were too often treated as proxies without regard to their own aspirations. Moreover, the sweeping change brought by modernity and globalization led many Muslims to view the West as hostile to the traditions of Islam.

Once again, the Man-Child gives us all an eye-opening lesson in historical ignorance. The relationship between Islam and the West began when Mohammedan hordes swept out of Arabia in the 7th century and proceeded to invade the Christian world, taking over Christian North Africa, the Christian Middle East and the entire Christian peninsula of Iberia. It took the Battles of Tours in 732 and Vienna in 1683 to finally stop Islam in its tracks.

Islam is a violent religion that converts primarily through conquest. As a culture it is stunted and ultimately arrested in development, locked in a medieval time capsule.

Violent extremists have exploited these tensions in a small but potent minority of Muslims. The attacks of September 11th, 2001 and the continued efforts of these extremists to engage in violence against civilians has led some in my country to view Islam as inevitably hostile not only to America and Western countries, but also to human rights. This has bred more fear and mistrust.

Islam has been a religion of violence from the day it was founded by a lunatic brigand. There, I’ve said it. Somebody has to say it. The attacks of September 11 did not lead some in this country to “view Islam as inevitably hostile not only to America and Western countries, but also to human rights,” rather, it confirmed what students of secular and ecclesiastical history have always known: Islam is a marauding religion – a cult of death that brings destruction wherever it goes.

Part of this conviction is rooted in my own experience. I am a Christian, but my father came from a Kenyan family that includes generations of Muslims. As a boy, I spent several years in Indonesia and heard the call of the azaan at the break of dawn and the fall of dusk. As a young man, I worked in Chicago communities where many found dignity and peace in their Muslim faith.

Liar. Your father was a Mohammedan. According to Sharia Law, that means YOU are a Mohammedan. You did, indeed, hear the call of azaan and, if memory serves, you reminisced about the beauty of the chanted prayer of the Mohammedan. As for your claim that you are a Christian, may I inquire as to the whereabouts of YOUR baptismal certificate? Or is that safely tucked in the vault along with your long-form birth certificate?

As a student of history, I also know civilization’s debt to Islam. It was Islam - at places like Al-Azhar University - that carried the light of learning through so many centuries, paving the way for Europe’s Renaissance and Enlightenment. It was innovation in Muslim communities that developed the order of algebra; our magnetic compass and tools of navigation; our mastery of pens and printing; our understanding of how disease spreads and how it can be healed. Islamic culture has given us majestic arches and soaring spires; timeless poetry and cherished music; elegant calligraphy and places of peaceful contemplation. And throughout history, Islam has demonstrated through words and deeds the possibilities of religious tolerance and racial equality.

Mr. Obama, I am a student of history. I know many others who are students of history. You, sir, are no student of history. I have neither the time nor the patience to refute the myriad historical urban myths you have repeated. Suffice it to say throughout history the Mohammedans have, in many ways, behaved like the Borg of Star Trek science fiction infamy: they invade and assimilate whole cultures into their own, manifesting that which they have stolen from others as their own.

I know, too, that Islam has always been a part of America’s story. The first nation to recognize my country was Morocco. In signing the Treaty of Tripoli in 1796, our second President John Adams wrote, “The United States has in itself no character of enmity against the laws, religion or tranquility of Muslims.”

That is for to laugh and Paul Harvey would be the first to guffaw, because you never told the rest of the story:

For  three centuries up to the time of the Treaty, the Mediterranean Sea lanes had been largely controlled by the north African Muslim states of the Barbary Coast (Tripoli, Algiers, Morocco and Tunis) through privateering. The Barbary nations considered themselves to be at war with any nation that had not negotiated a “peace treaty” with them for a sum of money. Hostages captured by the Barbary pirates were either ransomed or forced into slavery, contributing to the greater Ottoman slave trade (of which the Barbary states were a segment). Life for the captives often was harsh, especially for Christian captives, and many died from their treatment. Some captives “went Turk”, that is, converted to Islam, a choice that made life in captivity easier for them.

Colonial America had come under attack as early as 1628. Attacks continued into the 18th century, until advances in European (especially British) military power began to limit the reach of the Barbary nations. Before the American Revolution, the British colonies in North America were protected from the Barbary pirates by British warships and treaties. During the Revolution, monarchical France formed an alliance with the colonies and assumed the responsibility of providing protection of U.S. ships against the Barbary pirates.

After the U.S. won its independence with the signing of the Treaty of Paris (1783), it had to face the threat of the Barbary pirates on its own. Two American ships were captured by Algerian pirates in July 1785 and the survivors forced into slavery, their ransom set at $60,000. A rumor that Benjamin Franklin, who was en route from France to Philadelphia about that time, had been captured by Barbary pirates, caused considerable upset in the U.S. Without a standing navy, much less a navy capable of projecting force across an ocean, the U.S. was forced to pay tribute monies and goods to the Barbary nations for the security of its ships and the freedom of its captured citizens.

As General William Eaton informed newly-appointed Secretary of State John Marshall in 1800, “It is a maxim of the Barbary States, that ‘The Christians who would be on good terms with them must fight well or pay well.’”

The Man-Child conveniently left out the history of the Tripolitan Wars, in which the United States under President Jefferson went to war with and defeated the Barbary Pirates.

And since our founding, American Muslims have enriched the United States. They have fought in our wars, served in government, stood for civil rights, started businesses, taught at our Universities, excelled in our sports arenas, won Nobel Prizes, built our tallest building, and lit the Olympic Torch.

Won Nobel Prizes? Technically, yes. But then, technically, Hitler was a Christian. I’ll defer to Bernie at Planck’s Constant for the details:

If Muslims in America seem educated, it is because Islam has less an influence on their lives than in Muslim countries. None of the Muslims who were Nobel Laureates lived under the stultifying cloud of Islam, except for the dead terrorist Yasser Arafat.

Professor Abdus Salam [Physics 1979] was Director of the International Centre for Theoretical Physics in Trieste, Italy. Although he was a devout Muslim, he had to leave Pakistan because he found it impossible to do theoretical physics research there.

Naguib Mahfouz [Literature 1988] was stabbed in the back by Egyptian Moslem fundamentalists in 1997 because he supported the Peace Process between Palestinians and Israelis. Naguib was partially paralyzed as a result. Islam has limited influence in Egypt because its constitution bans religious-based parties.

Mohamed Anwar El-Sadat [Peace 1978], although a Muslim, did not live under Islamic Law. He was assassinated by militant nationalist religious extremists.

Yasser Arafat [Peace 1994] This was a joke so I won’t comment further.

Ahmed Zewail [Chemistry 1999] although an Egyptian, has been at Caltech since 1976.

Ferid Murad [Medicine 1998], was born and raised in America. His father was Muslim, mother Baptist and he was raised in a Catholic community. He was baptized Episcopalian in college.

But what about the 2003 Peace Prize for Shirin Ebadi, A Muslim woman living in Iran? Actually, Shirin Ebadi’s Peace Prize was awarded precisely for being anti-Islamic: promoting human rights and democracy in Iran. If she could leave Islam, without being killed, she would.

Another Muslim, Mohamed ElBaradei, won the 2005 Peace Prize, but these have nothing to do with creativity. So please, let’s leave these politically motivated awards out of what should be awards for inventiveness and brainpower. If Peace Prizes had anything to do with brains, Jimmy Carter certainly should not have been awarded anything at all.

Although Mohamed ElBaradei is originally from Egypt he has spent the last 22 years in New York, Geneva, and elsewhere.

So actually, no Muslim living under Islamic influence has ever won a Nobel Prize.

Thanks, Bernie, for clarifying that.

And when the first Muslim-American was recently elected to Congress, he took the oath to defend our Constitution using the same Holy Koran that one of our Founding Fathers - Thomas Jefferson - kept in his personal library.

And on that basis alone I consider his oath of office invalid and I question his loyalty to the republic and our Constitution. The Koran preaches jihad against Christians and the obliteration of the Jews. It preaches the conquest of the planet by the sword and its subjugation to Islam.

Moreover, freedom in America is indivisible from the freedom to practice one’s religion. That is why there is a mosque in every state of our union, and over 1,200 mosques within our borders. That is why the U.S. government has gone to court to protect the right of women and girls to wear the hijab, and to punish those who would deny it.

It’s awfully hard to get a driver license photo if all the camera can discern is a set of glaring, angry Islamic eyes.

So let there be no doubt: Islam is a part of America. And I believe that America holds within her the truth that regardless of race, religion, or station in life, all of us share common aspirations - to live in peace and security; to get an education and to work with dignity; to love our families, our communities, and our God. These things we share. This is the hope of all humanity.

It may be the hope of humanity but it sure as hell isn’t the hope of Islam.

In Ankara, I made clear that America is not - and never will be - at war with Islam.

That was one of your major foreign policy blunders, but I can’t blame you entirely: your predecessor made the equally idiotic claim that Islam is a “religion of peace.” The fact is that Islam has been at war with us since the founding of this nation and at war with the west for 1,300 years. Wake up and smell the jihad, you moron.

The Holy Koran teaches that whoever kills an innocent, it is as if he has killed all mankind; and whoever saves a person, it is as if he has saved all mankind. The enduring faith of over a billion people is so much bigger than the narrow hatred of a few. Islam is not part of the problem in combating violent extremism - it is an important part of promoting peace.

The Holy Koran also teaches that the unbeliever is to be slaughtered: “And kill them wherever you find them, and drive them out from whence they drove you out, and persecution is severer than slaughter, and do not fight with them at the Sacred Mosque until they fight with you in it, but if they do fight you, then slay them; such is the recompense of the unbelievers.” (Sura 2:191).

Before anyone even thinks of bringing up the Bible, note that Christians base their faith on a belief in the divinity of Jesus Christ as expressed in the New Testament - and I defy anyone anywhere to find a single verse in the New Testament that urges Christians to do what the Koran urges Mohammedans to do.

So America will defend itself respectful of the sovereignty of nations and the rule of law. And we will do so in partnership with Muslim communities which are also threatened. The sooner the extremists are isolated and unwelcome in Muslim communities, the sooner we will all be safer.

Don’t hold your breath, Man-Child. That ain’t gonna happen until Islam undergoes its version of the Protestant Reformation.

The second major source of tension that we need to discuss is the situation between Israelis, Palestinians and the Arab world.

Here’s the situation: the “Palestinians” are really Jordanians who are being used as pawns by the Arab world in their effort to destroy Israel and exterminate the Jews. Any questions?

America’s strong bonds with Israel are well known. This bond is unbreakable. It is based upon cultural and historical ties, and the recognition that the aspiration for a Jewish homeland is rooted in a tragic history that cannot be denied.

And yet your new buddy – the whacko from Iran – continues to deny that history and is busy working on the nuclear option that could very well make his dreams of a Jew-free Middle East come true.

Around the world, the Jewish people were persecuted for centuries, and anti-Semitism in Europe culminated in an unprecedented Holocaust. Tomorrow, I will visit Buchenwald, which was part of a network of camps where Jews were enslaved, tortured, shot and gassed to death by the Third Reich. Six million Jews were killed - more than the entire Jewish population of Israel today. Denying that fact is baseless, ignorant, and hateful.

Denying that fact is grounds for being committed to an asylum.

Threatening Israel with destruction - or repeating vile stereotypes about Jews - is deeply wrong, and only serves to evoke in the minds of Israelis this most painful of memories while preventing the peace that the people of this region deserve.

WOW. I’ll bet you put the fear of Moses into those naughty people.

On the other hand, it is also undeniable that the Palestinian people - Muslims and Christians - have suffered in pursuit of a homeland. For more than sixty years they have endured the pain of dislocation. Many wait in refugee camps in the West Bank, Gaza, and neighboring lands for a life of peace and security that they have never been able to lead. They endure the daily humiliations - large and small - that come with occupation. So let there be no doubt: the situation for the Palestinian people is intolerable. America will not turn our backs on the legitimate Palestinian aspiration for dignity, opportunity, and a state of their own.

If they want a homeland then they should return to Jordan. But neither Jordan nor the rest of the Arab world will accept them. And on it goes. Spare us your insipid platitudes of peace in the Middle East, Man-Child. Peace in the Middle East will be achieved in one and only one of two and only two possible ways: the “Palestinians” will return to their actual homeland and give up their bogus quest for a “homeland” OR Israel will be destroyed. There is no middle way and no peaceful co-existence. Even if the “Palestinians” returned to their true home, the Mohammedan world would continue its quest to destroy Israel. Ultimately, the question will be decided between Israel and the Mohammedans.

For many years, Iran has defined itself in part by its opposition to my country, and there is indeed a tumultuous history between us. In the middle of the Cold War, the United States played a role in the overthrow of a democratically-elected Iranian government.

And then, in the late 1970’s, Jimmy Carter – who will have to settle for recognition as the second-worst President in U.S. history when your term of office is mercifully over – was responsible for overthrowing Shah Reza Pahlavi and assisting Ayatollah Khomeini in turning Iran from a peaceful ally of the U.S. into a rabid exporter of Islamic terrorism.

Since the Islamic Revolution, Iran has played a role in acts of hostage-taking and violence against U.S. troops and civilians. This history is well known. Rather than remain trapped in the past, I have made it clear to Iran’s leaders and people that my country is prepared to move forward. The question, now, is not what Iran is against, but rather what future it wants to build.

Apparently, it wants to build a nuclear future that will destroy Israel and, Allah willing, the whole Western world. Way to go, Man-Child…looks like you are en route to displacing Neville Chamberlain as the dumbest tool of bloodthirsty dictators.

I understand those who protest that some countries have weapons that others do not. No single nation should pick and choose which nations hold nuclear weapons.

Really? I think WE should. But then - unlike you – I believe America is an inherently good nation that doesn’t seek to conquer the world or destroy other people.

Frankly, I think we are in a good position to decide that mad Islamofascists and tin-pot Korean dictators should NOT have access to these terrible weapons of destruction. Too bad that on the occasions when we could have acted to prevent these nations from acquiring these weapons the Presidents were named William Jefferson Clinton and Barack Hussein Obama.

That is why I strongly reaffirmed America’s commitment to seek a world in which no nations hold nuclear weapons.

How long, I wonder, until you prod Congress to pass a “Fair Weather” law?

And any nation - including Iran - should have the right to access peaceful nuclear power if it complies with its responsibilities under the nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty. That commitment is at the core of the Treaty, and it must be kept for all who fully abide by it. And I am hopeful that all countries in the region can share in this goal.

And Chamberlain arrived from Munich with the words: “Peace in our time.”

I know there has been controversy about the promotion of democracy in recent years, and much of this controversy is connected to the war in Iraq. So let me be clear: no system of government can or should be imposed upon one nation by any other.

But it’s okay when Muslims impose Sharia Law wherever they go, right?

America does not presume to know what is best for everyone, just as we would not presume to pick the outcome of a peaceful election.

I do presume to know what’s best for everyone, because I know that human nature is immutable and it clamors always for freedom. I know that liberty coupled with the power of a free market unleashes all that is creative and peaceful in people.

But I do have an unyielding belief that all people yearn for certain things: the ability to speak your mind and have a say in how you are governed; confidence in the rule of law and the equal administration of justice; government that is transparent and doesn’t steal from the people; the freedom to live as you choose. Those are not just American ideas, they are human rights, and that is why we will support them everywhere.

Except, it seems, in the United States under your regime Presidency.

This last point is important because there are some who advocate for democracy only when they are out of power; once in power, they are ruthless in suppressing the rights of others.

Sort of like the Democrat Socialist political machine in Chicago, eh?

Islam has a proud tradition of tolerance. We see it in the history of Andalusia and Cordoba during the Inquisition.

The Inquisition was instituted only AFTER Iberian Christians expelled the Mohammedan invaders in the wake of a seven hundred year long war. It was instituted to root out crypto-Mohammedans who claimed to be Christian but had ulterior motives. Perhaps we could do with an Inquisition here in the U.S.

I saw it firsthand as a child in Indonesia, where devout Christians worshiped freely in an overwhelmingly Muslim country.

Ah yes…tolerance in the paradise of Indonesia.

Among some Mohammedans, there is a disturbing tendency to measure one’s own faith by the rejection of another’s.

Correction: among most –if not all – Mohammedans there is the disturbing but understandable tendency to not only reject all other religions as false, but to impose Islam by means of the sword upon those who practice their own religion.

Freedom of religion is central to the ability of peoples to live together. We must always examine the ways in which we protect it. For instance, in the United States, rules on charitable giving have made it harder for Muslims to fulfill their religious obligation. That is why I am committed to working with American Muslims to ensure that they can fulfill zakat.

Gee…does this have anything to do with new tax laws that make it more difficult to reduce one’s tax burden by the amount donated to charity? Or is the Man-Child referring to the fact that many Islamic “charities” are being investigated because of their ties to terrorist organizations?

Likewise, it is important for Western countries to avoid impeding Muslim citizens from practicing religion as they see fit - for instance, by dictating what clothes a Muslim woman should wear. We cannot disguise hostility towards any religion behind the pretense of liberalism.

Oh please. Hostility toward religion has nothing to do with driver license photos.

On education, we will expand exchange programs, and increase scholarships, like the one that brought my father to America, while encouraging more Americans to study in Muslim communities. And we will match promising Muslim students with internships in America; invest in on-line learning for teachers and children around the world; and create a new online network, so a teenager in Kansas can communicate instantly with a teenager in Cairo.

These days a teenager in Kansas can, in fact, communicate over the Internet with a teenager in Cairo – or anywhere else in the world, so what the hell is this idiot talking about?

On economic development, we will create a new corps of business volunteers to partner with counterparts in Muslim-majority countries. ..On science and technology, we will launch a new fund to support technological development in Muslim-majority countries.

You’re gonna need more printing presses for the hyper-inflated dollars you are promising to the Mohammedans, Man-Child. The presses we already have are working 24/7 to help devalue the dollar and plunge us deeper into debt to fund the bread-and-circuses seduction of the American electorate that is now under way.

The issues that I have described will not be easy to address. But we have a responsibility to join together on behalf of the world we seek - a world where extremists no longer threaten our people, and American troops have come home; a world where Israelis and Palestinians are each secure in a state of their own, and nuclear energy is used for peaceful purposes; a world where governments serve their citizens, and the rights of all God’s children are respected. Those are mutual interests. That is the world we seek. But we can only achieve it together.

And then we’ll hold hands and sing the Coca-Cola song.

I know there are many - Muslim and non-Muslim - who question whether we can forge this new beginning.

Indeed. We also question your sanity.

Some are eager to stoke the flames of division, and to stand in the way of progress. Some suggest that it isn’t worth the effort - that we are fated to disagree, and civilizations are doomed to clash. Many more are simply skeptical that real change can occur. There is so much fear, so much mistrust. But if we choose to be bound by the past, we will never move forward. And I want to particularly say this to young people of every faith, in every country - you, more than anyone, have the ability to remake this world.

Ugh. Did the Man-Child get the idea for this passage from Star Trek VI?

kirk-saves-the-federation

All of us share this world for but a brief moment in time. The question is whether we spend that time focused on what pushes us apart, or whether we commit ourselves to an effort - a sustained effort - to find common ground, to focus on the future we seek for our children, and to respect the dignity of all human beings.

How about urging the Mohammedans to get their shit together and join the civilized world in the 21st century?

It is easier to start wars than to end them. It is easier to blame others than to look inward; to see what is different about someone than to find the things we share. But we should choose the right path, not just the easy path. There is also one rule that lies at the heart of every religion - that we do unto others as we would have them do unto us. This truth transcends nations and peoples - a belief that isn’t new; that isn’t black or white or brown; that isn’t Christian, or Muslim or Jew. It’s a belief that pulsed in the cradle of civilization, and that still beats in the heart of billions. It’s a faith in other people, and it’s what brought me here today.

This is like listening to a motivational speaker. I don’t know whether to hang myself or go bowling.

The Holy Koran tells us, “O mankind! We have created you male and a female; and we have made you into nations and tribes so that you may know one another.”

The Koran also tells us: “Believers, take neither Jews nor Christians for your friends.” (Surah 5:51)

The people of the world can live together in peace. We know that is God’s vision. Now, that must be our work here on Earth. Thank you. And may God’s peace be upon you.

Why didn’t he just say: Allahu akbar!

For my part, I trust the words of Winston Churchill (whose bust the Man-Child had removed from the Oval Office ASAP after his inauguration):

“How dreadful are the curses which Mohammedanism lays on its votaries! Besides the fanatical frenzy, which is as dangerous in a man as hydrophobia in a dog, there is this fearful fatalistic apathy. The effects are apparent in many countries.

Improvident habits, slovenly systems of agriculture, sluggish methods of commerce, and insecurity of property exist wherever the followers of the Prophet rule or live. A degraded sensualism deprives this life of its grace and refinement; the next of its dignity and sanctity. The fact that in Mohammedan law every woman must belong to some man as his absolute property must delay the final extinction of slavery until the faith of Islam has ceased to be a great power among men.

Individual Moslems may show splendid qualities. Thousands become the brave and loyal soldiers of the Queen; all know how to die; but the influence of the religion paralyses the social development of those who follow it. No stronger retrograde force exists in the world. Far from being moribund, Mohammedanism is a militant and proselytizing faith. It has already spread throughout Central Africa, raising fearless warriors at every step; and were it not that Christianity is sheltered in the strong arms of science the civilisation of modern Europe might fall, as fell the civilisation of ancient Rome.”