The following excerpts were taken from President Obama’s Weekly Radio Address on April 4, 2009.

In this new century, we live in a world that has grown smaller and more interconnected than at any time in history. Threats to our nation’s security and economy can no longer be kept at bay by oceans or by borders drawn on maps. The terrorists who struck our country on 9/11 plotted in Hamburg, trained in Kandahar and Karachi, and threaten countries across the globe.

Thanks for the heads up, Captain Obvious. I think we pretty much figured that out for ourselves on September 11 – no thanks to Bill Clinton, who was too busy diddling interns to capture Osama Bin-Laden when he had the chance or to Jaime Gorelick, who very thoughtfully placed a wall of information separation between the FBI and the CIA.

Fortunately, George Bush was in the White House at the time – which explains why we weren’t attacked again.

Unfortunately, George Bush is a squishy RINO on domestic matters and thanks to his abysmal lack of conservative leadership, a great deal of the Republican Party followed his lead with the result that both houses of Congress and the White House are now in the hands of people who still think it’s September 10.

Cars in Boston and Beijing are melting ice caps in the Arctic that disrupt weather patterns everywhere.

More of the same Al Gore Lies. Cars in Bejing and Boston have absolutely no effect on Arctic ice and Arctic ice has no effect on global weather patterns. In fact, it’s the other way around: weather patterns are caused by cloud cover, solar activity and numerous other factors – all of which are completely beyond the control of mankind. Currently the sun is entering another Maunder Minimum which, if anything, forebodes increased cooling.

And I suspect that even as cities like Las Vegas see the occasional blizzard, you and the AGW crowd will still be insisting that the planet is warming and that we must impose even further business-destroying cap and trade measures.

The theft of nuclear material from the former Soviet Union could lead to the extermination of any city on earth.

It sure could, but worse than that is the fact that the former Soviet Union is doing everything it can to help Iran develop nuclear weapons. Aside from Vogeuing in front of the TOTUS, what, precisely are you doing to stop them?

And reckless speculation by bankers in New York and London has fueled a global recession that is inflicting pain on workers and families around the world and across America.

Not quite. While the financial sector certainly carries its share of blame for contributing to this crisis, most of the weight falls squarely on Congressional Democrats for politicizing the mortgage industry and forcing it to accumulate a titanic debt that otherwise would never have been happened. These toxic assets were bundled and sold worldwide with full backing of the United States of America. When it became clear these assets were worthless, the house of cards tumbled down. Trouble is, your prescription of government intervention is what got us into this mess in the first place.

The challenges of our time threaten the peace and prosperity of every single nation, and no one nation can meet them alone. That is why it is sometimes necessary for a President to travel abroad in order to protect and strengthen our nation here at home. That is what I have done this week.I began my trip by attending a summit of the G20 – the countries that represent the world’s largest economies – because we know that the success of America’s economy is inextricably linked to that of the global economy. If people in other countries cannot spend, that means they cannot buy the goods we produce here in America, which means more lost jobs and more families hurting. Just yesterday, we learned that we lost hundreds of thousands more jobs last month, adding to the millions we’ve lost since this recession began.

We sure did and how did your adoring, lap-dog Drive-By media report it? They really didn’t – certainly not in the kind of gory, excruciating detail they would have used were the President a Republican. I didn’t hear them constantly reminding the nation that these jobs were lost on YOUR watch.  Instead, they breathlessly reported on Michelle’s wardrobe.

And if we continue to let banks and other financial institutions around the world act recklessly and irresponsibly, that affects institutions here at home as credit dries up, and people can’t get loans to buy a home or car, to run a small business or pay for college.

In a time of economic crisis, banks and financial institutions act in their own best self-interest, as any private sector business would. They aren’t lending money because they can’t be sure they’ll ever get it back. For that to happen the economy must be thriving, and for the economy to start thriving again, people will need money. Spending trillions of dollars the government does not have is not the way to accomplish this, Mr. President, because it will require you to raise taxes significantly, thereby taking from Peter and giving to Paul – minus the overhead for the bureaucracy that administers the redistribution.

For every dollar you take from Peter, Paul receives only 70 cents. Would it not make more sense to allow Peter to keep that dollar and spend it on something that Paul manufactures? Or am I being overly simplistic for your brilliant liberal mind?

Ultimately, the only way out of a recession that is global in scope is with a response that is global in coordination. That is why I’m pleased that after two days of careful negotiation, the G20 nations have agreed on a series of unprecedented steps that I believe will be a turning point in our pursuit of a global economic recovery. All of us are now moving aggressively to get our banks lending again. All of us are working to spur growth and create jobs. And all of us have agreed on the most sweeping reform of our financial regulatory framework in a generation – reform that will help end the risky speculation and market abuses that have cost so many people so much.

I suspect the only thing you all agreed upon was the fact you can barely string together a single coherent sentence when you are away from the TOTUS. The “unprecedented” steps you plan on taking are actually quite precedented: FDR tried it in the early 1930’s and triggered the Great Depression. It wasn’t until 1942 that we actually emerged from that economic funk, due primarily to the stimulative effect of the Second World War.

Unless you are planning on a Third World War, you aren’t going to have much luck trying to spend your way into prosperity. It never worked before and it will not work today. Even some of the G-20 leaders realize that, which is why Angela Merkel basically trashed Gordon Brown’s tax and spend proposal.

You see, Mr. Obama, these folks have had a lot of experience with socialism and they are among the first to tell you that it works only as long as you don’t run out of other peoples’ money.

I also met this past week with the leaders of China and Russia, working to forge constructive relationships to address issues of common concern, while being frank with each other about where we disagree.

What actually happened is that you babbled on like an addled schoolboy and they could barely restrain their glee after they realized you don’t know what the hell you are doing or even saying. Your naiveté will be their opportunity.

President Hu and I agreed that the link between China’s economy and ours is of great mutual benefit, and we established a new Strategic and Economic Dialogue between the U.S. and China.

In other words, you begged him to continue purchasing our ballooning debt by reminding him the Chinese have already invested so much money into this country that, if our economy collapses, we’ll take them down with us. You must have figured that since the “too big to fail” ploy worked for the banks and the automakers when they approached the federal government, it would certainly work for the federal government when you approached the Chinese.

President Medvedev and I discussed our shared commitment to a world without nuclear weapons, and we signed a declaration putting America and Russia on the path to a new treaty to further reduce our nuclear arsenals. Tomorrow, I will lay out additional steps we must take to secure the world’s loose nuclear materials and stop the spread of these deadly weapons.

Meanwhile this sneaky bastard cut off natural gas to Europe, invaded Georgia, set up missiles along the border with Poland and is helping the Iranians accelerate the pace of their nuclear weapons program. Way to go, Man-Child. At that rate we can expect a rapidly escalating arms race to begin sometime next month.

Finally, I met yesterday with our NATO allies and asked them for additional civilian support and assistance for our efforts in Afghanistan. That is where al Qaeda trains, plots, and threatens to launch their next attack. And that attack could occur in any nation, which means that every nation has a stake in ensuring that our mission in Afghanistan succeeds.

Heh…and they told you to bugger off. Way to charm them, Barry.

As we have worked this week to find common ground and strengthen our alliances, we have not solved all of our problems. And we have not agreed on every point or every issue in every meeting. But we have made real and unprecedented progress – and will continue to do so in the weeks and months ahead.

In fact, aside from several oratory slip ups (TOTUS malfunction and substantive questions from reporters who aren’t interested in fellating you) and diplomatic gaffes (a lousy iPod for the Queen of England, Michelle’s grabathon with Her Majesty, bowing to the Saudi king) it went swimmingly insofar as nothing of any real substance was accomplished – in spite of the insistence by the Knee-Pad Media that this was, perhaps, the most spectacularly successful summit of its kind in recorded history. That, and Michelle’s wardrobe is simply fabulous.

Because in the end, we recognize that no corner of the globe can wall itself off from the threats of the twenty-first century, or from the needs and concerns of fellow nations. The only way forward is through shared and persistent efforts to combat fear and want wherever they exist. That is the challenge of our time. And if we move forward with courage and resolve, I am confident that we will meet this challenge.

As a matter of fact, with you in charge the challenges will increase is size and number until there is nothing but economic wreckage and chaos, at which time OUR greatest challenge will be preventing you from turning this republic into a socialist oligarchy.

My name is Manly Rash, Mr. President, and I’m coming to take back my republic.